I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
people are starting to question the shark bite story
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
