I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
