So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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