i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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