sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
