How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
