its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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