Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
