Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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