Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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