i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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