We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
