"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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