yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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