I didn't shave. On purpose
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
