i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
