just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
