I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
