so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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