There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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