she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
