I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
