we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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