1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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