By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
