areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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