You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were trust falling into bushes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
