did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sarcasm needs its own font
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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