Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
