Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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