nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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