I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
