I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
