He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
