Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
