Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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