so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
