Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
