There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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