i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
