I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
