Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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