i can't believe i had my finger in that
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
