you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
areolas are like halos for boobs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
