I love watching others lives come down to our level.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
