Michael Bay diarrhea
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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