I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
