Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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