Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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