I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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