I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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