Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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