I accidentally had phone sex last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
